Prayers that Bind & Loose and go Unanswered

“Whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven” Matthew 18:18

If you are praying about something, or someone like your husband, children, or friends, think of this verse in terms of binding or loosing that issue.
If we are binding something, we are preventing or stopping some evil thing or influence in their life.

If we loose something, we are allowing what is good to enter into their life.

As followers of Christ, we have a direct line to God who hears our prayers. And we have authority in Jesus name to pray this way.

What are some of the things you would like to bind in your husband’s life? Anger, abusiveness, negativity, substance abuse, laziness, passivity? What about in your childrens' lives?

What are some things you would like to loose on earth? Patience, love, unity in your marriage, peace, a heart of forgiveness, holiness?

I am actually quite hesitant to write about this...I am asking myself, Who am I? I don't have the answers.   I prayed over my first marriage in tears. For many years. But it didn't get better; it got worse. And in the end...I gave up trying. I handled it my own way. The marriage disintegrated and ended in divorce. I wish I had an answer for why my prayers seemed to go unanswered.

I spent months, no...years, struggling - trying to understand where God was through those dark years I went through. I felt like God abandoned me. Maybe I didn't do all I was supposed to do on my end. For a long time, I struggled with why God didn't answer my most deep and heart-felt prayers. As a result, my prayers became less frequent and more shallow. I read books like, When God Doesn't Make Sense  and Disapointment with God. It helped a little. I was reminded that we all still have free will. And He's there to comfort us and see us through.

I am now remarried and although I had uncertainties as to the Lord’s ability (or willingness) to answer my prayers, it’s all I know to do.  If I don't pray, what else can I do? So...I pray. Only this time…I'm seeing prayers answered. It’s not that I have a bad marriage. I have a wonderful marriage. But since we're not perfect people, there’s always something to pray about…and I’m seeing my small prayers answered.

What is the difference? I wish I knew. Maybe it was my first husband’s mental illness and darkness of heart. Maybe God can only work with a willing heart? My husband is not perfect, but he has a heart that is willing to listen when God is calling him. On a few occasions, after I had spent some time praying to God about something I was concerned about, my husband would bring up the topic to me. I never even told him I was thinking about it! The timing was too coincidental. Sometimes it might be something small with one of our kids, and I would just notice a change in a behavior. Or a door of opportunity. Sometimes those doors ended up closing.

 Yes, I still have unanswered prayers and I don't understand why. I just hope in God for his perfect timing....and I'm still working on adjusting my expectations of His will. His answer may not be what I want to hear. But I see Him answering my prayers often enough to say, "Why wouldn't I want to pray?" About everything. And just watch and see what He does, the God of mercy and grace.

Lord, I pray for my family that You would bind up hardness of heart, laziness, apathy and mediocrity. Bind up selfishness and bitterness. Loosen hearts that seek righteousness, love for one another, and holiness. Loose the opportunities for each member of my family to grow as You intend.

How have you struggled with unanswered prayers?

Teaching Our Teens to Have Healthy Relationships

I was reading today, an article by Dennis and Barbara Rainey, from Family Life.com. It made me wonder, how many of us are running on autopilot, when we should be proactively teaching our teens what it looks like to have healthy relationships with the opposite sex?


Perhaps we have just let it slide, or put it off, or have felt uncomfortable about it for various reasons. Is it the topic alone? Or have we not even determined for ourselves what our boundaries should be? Maybe guilt from our past is hindering us. Maybe we just haven't thought about it. But I guarantee you, the devil IS thinking about it.

Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. 1 Peter 5:8 (KJV)

We could easily get sidetracked by the minutia of questions. Should I let my teenagers date, what about group dates, what about, what about, what about...? But if we are followers of Christ, we can look to some of the basic standards of holy living.

For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy,  heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 2 Timothy 3:2-4 (ESV)

So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart. 2 Timothy 2:22 (ESV)

So what are we doing? Are we leaving it up to chance and hoping for God's mercy? Or are we being proactive? What are some things you are doing to be proactively teaching our teenagers God's way for their relationships?

Restored Lives

We have children graduating this year. Today I set aside some time to go through old childhood photographs to put together a photo memory board for the graduation party. As I went through years of pictures of my stepchildren, I also saw years of what looked like many happy memories. A husband and a wife. Births and birthday parties. Trips, vacations, holidays and family gatherings. A well-cared for home and furnishings. From all appearances, the perfect family. The dream family I wanted.

At the same time, I had a family of my own. Children I loved with all my heart. But it was full of heartache. Yelling. The pain of abuse and manipulation. Lost dreams. Trying to make it appear normal and happy. There were also pictures of births and birthday parties. Vacations, holidays, and family gatherings. But it fell apart. Divorce.

The dream family fell apart too. She gave up everything I longed for.  Such a jumble of feelings. Sorrow for two families torn apart. Joy for my new blended family. Envy for the years I didn't get to share with my now husband. But I can't think that way. Neither of us would be the people we are today if we had not gone through those difficult years. Molding, sharpening, refining.

My new family is a gift. I am so blessed by each member of my blended family. I love seeing all of our family together in church every Sunday. I love when all our children are together. I love listening to all of them dialogue with each other. I can see how their care for one another crosses bloodlines. My heart swells with joy.

“And I will restore to you the years that the locust has eaten...” – Joel 2:25

"The good news is that God has promised to restore us from all the troubles of our past, the heartaches from broken relationships, the struggles from defeat, and the frustrations of our lives. All the times that we have felt broken beyond repair, God has promised to restore. We cannot change the past. We cannot go back and do things over again. But from this moment forward we can give over to God our anxieties about the past and trust Him to restore what has been lost. We can learn from sin in our past and resolve to live fully for Christ from this day forward." (Mission Venture Ministries)

I shouldn't look back with remorse, but with thankfulness. Because to go back and do it differently would mean giving up one or more of our family members. I am so thankful for my family. Each and every one. I love them all so very much. Each is a gift from God. Each so precious. God has poured mercy over us. Many hurting hearts being healed with his balm of grace.

When They Choose the Wrong Path

I've been brooding over this a lot lately. As parents, we show our kids the right path to follow, but so often it seems they have to find out for themselves that they're doing it the hard way. Well, they don’t have to but they choose to.

When they are little, it’s easier to show them which way to go, and they do it because we enforce our rules and standards. But when they grow up they have to choose for themselves if they are going to follow God’s way or their own way. It is SO difficult to watch them make poor choices, go down the wrong path and wait for the pain and consequences that result. I see the road they are walking down and sometimes it brings back memories. I remember what happened when I did that. Oh, why won’t they heed my advice? Don’t they understand the pain I am trying to keep them from? I see it coming. I feel it coming. It is inevitable.

We love our children so much. We want them to be happy and live full, rich lives. If only they would strive to follow God’s laws, they would find peace, healthy relationships, and a meaningful life.

I really like what fellow blogger at The Adventurous Life of Mine wrote,

“Life becomes so much more enjoyable when we obey God. God loves us and He's given us laws so that we might find the pleasant and prosperous life He can give us. It will be to our great benefit to obey Him.”

 

It’s difficult for our children (even our teenagers or adult children) to understand that when the path they are going down seems enjoyable right now. They don’t understand how it could turn to pain and destruction. How far down this road will they go before they turn around?

We pray for them to wake up to their situation. To hear our words, or someone else’s words, and realize there is such a better way. We pray for God's mercy to not let them fall so hard that they can't recover, and His grace to help them get back on the right path. And we’ll be here all the while, waiting to offer our grace and mercy as well.

Grace and Mercy to you,

Praying for Our Children's Relationships

The relationships our kids have with others are so important because those relationships may influence them – either for the better, or for the worse. I don't know about you, but I don't want to leave that up to chance. These relationships might be friends from school or church, boyfriends or girlfriends, or even other adults.

One of our children's long-time friends has always caused me some uncertainty. They were kids, so of course there were inappropriate words or moments, but aside from that, I couldn't quite put my finger on it. It just never felt quite right. So I started praying about their friendship. I prayed that my child would grow strong in the Lord and stand up to temptations. I prayed this for their friend too. I prayed that if this friend is going to be a negative influence, then the Lord should remove him from my child's life or else change them into what You want them to be. Thank you to Stormie Omartian for this insight into praying for our kids.

When our child was a little older, they decided to make a commitment to live their life for Christ. They had a conversation with their friend… "I can't keep doing some of the things we used to do. We can still be friends. I just can't do those things anymore."

A decision had been made to follow Christ, and part of that decision was to leave old ways behind. They were still friends, but they started drifting apart. More recently, we learned that this drifting friend is choosing their own will, rather than God's will and is leading a very troubled life.  I am so glad for God's watchful eye. My child could have easily been influenced to walk the same road with their friend.

When you have a feeling in the pit of your stomach about your children's friends, PRAY about it.

I also prayed that God would bring strong, godly friendships into my children's lives. Stormie Omartian, in The Power of A Praying Parent,  writes about why it's important for our children to have friends with other believers. She says it's not that they can't have a non-believing friend, but

"that their closest friends, the ones to whom they have strong ties, should be believers. 'Can  two walk together, unless they are agreed?' (Amos 3:3). No they can't. That means if they are not agreed, somebody has to change. And that's why 'The righteous should choose his friends carefully, for the way of the wicked leads them astray' (Proverbs 12:26)."

I want my children to have godly influences in their lives. I pray that God will bring people into their lives that will challenge them to grow in every way. That they would be encouraged to do well in school, make wise choices, find their career path, be involved in church, and make other good relationships. One day, one of those relationships will be their future spouse. I need to pray for them too.

Have you had any issues with your children's friendships? How have you dealt with it?

When God Gives you a Nudge

As a parent, I find I'm always working on something with one of my kids, or even my own parenting techniques. I'm praying, seeking and trying everything I can think of to raise my children right. And then just when I think it's all going well, God gives me a nudge.

First, it came from my oldest child in the form of a mild criticism. Then it came from a friend of another of our children. And lastly, it came from one more of my children and they weren't even trying to criticize me. It was just an expressed wish. Children are often hesitant to express their wishes so it was coming in subtle forms. And the message was the same each time...

Spend more time with me please?

Oh, how it hurt my heart to realize how they must feel. In all our busyness, trying to run the household and keep everything from falling apart...they were missing out on time with us.

Such guilt sinking into my spirit now. I wish I had seen it sooner. But God is telling me now.

Whom the Lord loves He reproves, even as a father corrects the son in whom he delights. Proverbs 3:12

He's telling me through the mouths of my own babes.

We all have character qualities that could use some correction. Once revealed, it's our responsibility to take action to improve them.

This was a hard one for me. How do I give attention to a house that is literally "full" of kids? We have 6, by the way.

We both work so we see our children briefly in the morning while they are all getting ready. Maybe twenty minutes. Then we come home, start preparing dinner, ask about homework, eat dinner, everyone cleans up after dinner, few more homework odds and ends to finish up. Field trip forms to sign. An emotional crisis had at school that day needing an encouraging talk. Someone needing a reprimand. Reminders to clean up a mess or chores to do. We can't wait to disappear to our room and spend the rest of the evening...just the two of us.

How do I find more time to spend with each child?

Should I schedule an hour one-on-one time with each child each week? I don't think I'd ever see my husband until they were all grown and out of the house. Perhaps too grandiose.

But maybe... maybe it's just in making more small but impactful moments. Taking the extra minute in the morning to hug and kiss each one before we all head off for the day. And when we come home, really looking them in the eye and listening when they are unloading on me while I'm preparing dinner. Breathe deep and slow down. It's okay if dinner is a few minutes later. We've long since stopped reading stories to our children, but perhaps from time to time I might find an interesting short story to read them that doesn't make them feel like they're five years old? And don't skip over that last goodnight hug and kiss just because I'm already in my pajamas and ready to call it a night myself. It's just one more small moment...that could make such a big difference in the heart of each child.

Are there other ways we can show this bit of grace to our children?

When Love Hurts

Love can hurt. Especially in your own family. And God has given an even more unique set of hurdles of love to overcome in a blended family. So many opportunities to love...and hurt.

You reach out. Trying to make some sort of connection. Hope dies a little as it meets perceived coldness. Even rejection? It pains the heart. I try not to let it show. Try to brush it off like it doesn't matter. But it does matter, doesn't it? What can I do...but keep trying? Keep praying. Keep loving.

Did Christ do less? They despised and rejected Him, even as he hung on that cross to die for them.

Love without expecting in return. Love them, even if it is met with rejection. All our needs to feel loved and accepted are met in Him. He is there to fill all our needs and to fill us to overflowing so that love pours out of us in excess to those around. Such grace. All one needs to do is reach out and accept His love and mercies.

When you truly stop looking to others to fill those holes in your heart, and instead, look solely to Christ...allow Him to fill those holes...those hurt feelings for self can turn into compassion for those doing the hurting. It's making such a difference in my life. In my heart and in my attitude. Not that I have achieved, but that I have found the path out of my self-pity and the multitude of ugly feelings and attitudes that can follow.

Accept His grace and mercy and let Him fill you to overflowing with grace and mercy to others.

A Mother's Inheritance

Sunday morning service. We stand to sing:

“I hear the Savior say
Thy strength indeed is small
Child of weakness, watch and pray
Find in Me thine all in all"

It’s Mother’s Day. Every year I end up thinking more about all the things I did wrong as a mother and stepmother, rather on the things I did right. As a stepmother, I know I am a “step” away as a mother. I don’t expect for my stepchildren to feel for me the same as they do the mother who bore them. But I hope they know I love them. I hope all of my children know how much I love and care for them.

“… Jesus paid it all
All to Him I owe …”

I’m not very good at showing a lot of feeling. To anyone. It’s not that I don’t have feelings. I’m just not very emotional or touchy feely.  I hope they know. Oh Lord, please wash any doubts away from their hearts and minds.

“…Sin had left a crimson stain
He washed it white as snow”

And while You’re at it Lord, could you fix all the mistakes I made?

 “…Oh praise the One who paid my debt,
And raised this life up from the dead.”

I hear a catch in my voice and can’t sing for the lump in my throat. Tears start flowing down my cheek and drip off my chin.

 “…Oh praise the One who paid my debt,
And raised this life up from the dead.”

Our pastor speaks of women of faith in the book of Numbers.

What do you see in the future that makes life worth living today?

Neither of my parents grew up in a Christian home. We had gone to a local church a few times when I was quite young. When I was in middle school, they became friends with a family that ended up introducing us to church. That was the turning point that changed the direction of our family’s life. They gave their hearts and lives to God. That decision as well as future decisions based on this new faith, provided opportunity for me to know Christ and choose His eternal inheritance.

The five sisters in Numbers asked for the inheritance of their father who died, leaving no sons. The passing down of inheritance was very important in that day and culture.

What inheritance can I pass down? Do I have anything to offer? What did my parents pass down to me? Oh Yes, I have the most important thing I can offer.

Live a life of faith that you can pass on to your children. It is worth far more than any posession.

Your purpose is greater than the role you have right now. God’s future inheritance gives hope for you and your family.

When Grace Is Not Your First Thought

Have you ever had someone in your life that you wish… wasn’t? You know, the ones that test your Christianity? I’m very ashamed to admit it, but I have a few.

When I know a situation is on the horizon when I will be in their company, it gives me time to pray. Ask God to help me adjust my attitude and be as gracious as I can toward them. And it actually helps a lot.

But it seems like lately, I’ve had a few unexpected interactions that didn’t give much warning. We recently planned to meet with someone to talk about a topic of mutual interest. I just found out someone else is coming as well.

Ugh. I sour. My mood darkens. I wasn’t prepared for this.

Of course, it’s not just this person. There are others with different traits that offer various degrees of annoyance to me.

But still…this one causes me a degree of discomfort creeping near the top of my list. I really don’t care for them. It’s not that this person is a horribly bad person.  They just…rub me the wrong way. They’re materialistic. And they tend to take over a conversation and talk about themself. All puffed up and flaunting what they own, or what fun thing they’re doing, or where they’re going on their next vacation. It makes me feel…unimportant? Jealous? Bitter? Ugly words.

I stew and concoct ways to get out of the situation.  Because that’s what I always do. Try to avoid the conflict. And with some people, avoiding conflict may be for the best. But lately, I’ve felt God has been calling me to a higher standard with this particular person.

No one is making me feel this way. Own it. Put aside the jealousy. Stop thinking about myself and how I feel. Why do I compare myself with them?

God loves you and has plans for your life. Focus on His will for you and stop worrying about everyone else.

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?  How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” Luke 6:41-42 (NIV)

Might I be a trial in someone else’s life? Tables turned cause much discomfort.

Time to stop focusing on their speck. How can I get rid of this awful plank? Everyone can see it but me. And what does it look like?

Judgmental… selfish... distant… petty… unsympathetic… insecure… skeptical… opinionated… negative…impatient… ?

Lord, thank you for the grace to show me my plank, and the mercy of your forgiveness in spite of all my faults. Help me pour Your grace and mercy over others.

Grace and Mercy abounds!

 

His Plans are Best

I became a mother for the second time 17 years ago today. I didn’t know it then but that sweet little bundle would turn out to look a lot like me. I would go on to have more children and I had hopes and dreams for them all. Not that I wanted this one to be a doctor, or that one to be a lawyer. Just that God would do great things with them.

With each child I bore, I had aspirations to raise them perfectly. Didn’t you too? Didn’t we read all the books and articles? Say all the right prayers. Do all the “right” things? Oh, I know I made mistakes. A LOT.

Thank you, Lord, for having mercy on these children in spite of their mother. And it is grace that they were too young to remember many of those mistakes.

Over the years, of course, there were ups and downs. Bumps in the road. And also wonderful moments of pride and joy. Those are the best. Cakes and candles. Awards and achievements. Ribbons and trophies. The camera comes out and captures the smiles and saves those memories. Perhaps for the times we really need them. Because when you hit one of those bumps in the road, don’t we tend to focus on that negative and maybe… forget the positive?

Sometimes my husband and I would look at each other and say, “I thought children were supposed to bring us JOY?!” (It’s best to laugh here. That was our way of dealing with our moment of stress.)

So what happens when things don’t go as we had planned? As I had planned out in my mind. I blame myself. I wonder what I did wrong. It must be something I did.

First I tried to fix it myself. I tried again and again and again. Different ideas and things I could do. Nothing I did seemed to make the situation better.

Why do I always do this? Why do I always wait until I’m feeling desperate to call on the Almighty?

I crumble in prayer and cry out to God.  

And when I finally quiet myself long enough before Him, He starts to speak to my heart.

Are you done trying to carry this all by yourself? I’ve been here all along, but I’m not going to force it out of your hands. You’ve been so busy trying to fix something that you couldn’t hear. Now that you are quiet, you can hear Me tell you. There is nothing you need to fix. I’ve got it under control. This is part of My plan. But My plan is different than yours. Be patient and see what unfolds.

Why do I transfer my worries onto them and such pressure on myself? Are my expectations too high? No, to say that would imply that my expectations are higher than His. Mine are just…different. But His plans are BEST.

I inhale deep and breathe out all that stress. Each time releasing a little more. And I reach a point of realization. Acceptance.

My worries and fears still creep in from time to time, but I just remind myself that I have let go of that burden and Someone else is taking care of it. If I really feel the need to do something, the best thing I can do is talk to the One who is in control.

Oh, thank You for your grace!

 Grace and Mercy to you,

When You Need a Little Perspective

Sometimes, when I need a little perspective, it helps to think about ants. A really big colony of ants - in an ant farm.

You create this contained habitat for ants. You prepare it with everything they need to live and prosper. Then you plunk them down in there and watch what happens. The ants have a social system with jobs, roles, hierarchy and rituals. They are a community. They depend on one another. They feed and protect each other. They raise their young. They even have soldiers.

I can’t help but wonder if we might share similar experiences. Social conflict, stress, grief?  Do they fight amongst themselves? Pick on one another?

I’ve observed family pets where one routinely pesters another. Maybe this condition isn’t limited to the human race. Oh, how we rile one another.

I feel it rising in my chest. Heart beating hard and face warming.

Frustration. Anger. Retribution. Self-righteous indignation.

Anxiety churning in my stomach.

Breathe deeply. Exhale.  

Aren’t we all just like a bunch of ants in a community of God’s creation?  He sees our conflict and our strife with one another, but loves each and every one of us.

Let go.

When you look at the grand scheme of things, the cares of this world seem so insignificant.

Lord, help me see people through your eyes. I know You love them deeply. Help me pour Your grace and mercy over them as You’ve given to me.

As I pour waters of grace over them, my eyes see new …and heart softens.

Grace and Mercy to you,